Waiting for the WaitingPosted on Tue, Aug 23, 2011

Barry McGovern in “Waiting for Godot” at the Center Theatre Group/Mark Taper Forum, opening March 21 and continuing through April 22, 2012. Samuel Beckett’s modern classic is directed by Michael Arabian. For tickets and information go to www.CenterTheatreGroup.org or call (213) 628-2772.                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Contact: CTG Media and Communications (213) 972-7376/CTGMedia@CenterTheatreGroup.org                                        Photo by Craig Schwartz.

The waiting is the hardest part.

Dealing with all of the treatments, I’ve discovered, has two phases: the Decision and the Waiting. The Decision part is nerve-wracking, engaging, scary, but it makes you feel like progress is being made. The Waiting, on the other hand, is long and rudderless. It’s the indescribable agony of the unknown, the monster lurking just out of sight, tension increases day to day… and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Waiting sucks.

It’s Tuesday. My next scans are on Thursday, and we will get the results on Friday. And then we move to the next Decision. The results will tell us how the chemo is working, or not, on the tumor in my right lung. When last we checked on it, it was about the size of a small pea. If I’ve got a freaking watermelon in there now, it’s not working. On the other hand, if it seems smaller, or (apparently they can tell this) if part of it is dying, then we’re on the right track. What happens at that point is the Decision, to keep on Skeezy Uncle Doxorubicin 0r to switch it up to something else, including, possibly, having to go to Newark.

Moving on…

After the Decision, there are a few weeks or months of riding that Decision wave. When we’re on that wave, we feel like we’re kicking cancer’s ass. We’re rockstars, nothing can stop us. We have a plan and we’re doing it. And we’re going to keep on doing it until we have to check in again. When that time starts getting close, we will move into Waiting again. And Waiting, as we’ve covered, sucks.

This has repeated over and over again since the beginning. At first, I felt like the goal-posts were being moved on me, every time I got to the end of where they said I needed to go, there was another problem and another goal put in front of me. Like running the New York City Marathon and being told you have to run back to Brooklyn. I finally got used to this and accepted this as a war, that this is how my life worked now, and will continue to work until I get a clean bill of health for several scans running.

But for now, I have to wait. And, like Mr. Petty keeps reminding us, the waiting is the hardest part.


Categorized as Zip-a-dee-doo-dah

About the Author

An actor trained in physical theater, living in New York City, livin' the dream. I am married to an amazing woman without whom I'd probably be dead by now, and step-dad to the irrepressible Izzy! I sculpt masks, I juggle, I act, I design graphically-type-stuff, and when offered the choice between two evils, I take the one I've never tried before. I listen, I fly planes, I bike to the beach, I am a tea brewing ninja, I design new board games with my daughter, and I tell stories... too many stories. And while I used to be trying to learn to juggle my work, living in this city, my dreams, my wife, but now I am reminded every day they are all one, all my life, and every day is one more day I get to live it.
All Content © Zipperleg Chronicles 2013 - Except for most of the photos, those are taken from the Internet. Sorry.
I am not a doctor, so none of my ramblings should be taken as medical fact.
Your milage may vary.